We are collectively grieving through Covid-19

We are collectively grieving through this Covid-19 crisis. We are all just at different stages of our grieving process. 

In the first days of the lock down I had this intense energy to clean, reorganize, sanitize, prioritize basically if the word had ize in the end of it, I was doing it. It was my way to maintain some type of control over the situation. It’s the same thing that you do when you have a family member with a chronic illness or dying. You become so caught up in the process of trying to maintain some type of control over the situation that you don’t allow yourself to feel. You are running around speaking with doctors, administering home care routines, putting the household affairs in order all so you don’t actually confront the grief that your loved one will inevitably come to their end and you will need to process their loss. 

In the case of the Covid-19 crisis that individual who is in need of care is ourselves. We are slowly going through the grieving process to try and reach acceptance that we are losing a way of life that we had before.  Many of us are losing our livelihood, while others are losing family connections and needing to re-assess their life’s course. And yet still others are experiencing the trauma of losing a loved one to the virus and losing them without being able to be there for them. A trauma that will run deep in the fabric of the family unit. I read a piece that was discussing the differences between the countries and their approach and how they have experienced the Coronavirus and there was a line that stood out to me. 

“ We are in the same storm - but we are not in the same boat”

— Anonymous

“We are in the same storm - but we are not in the same boat” - Anonymous

I saw it on one of my endless hours of scrolling through mindlessly on Instagram or maybe even Facebook. We most definitely are not all experiencing the crisis the same. The natural ebb and flow of this crisis places all of us in different stages of grief moving through denial to acceptance back to anger, back to denial, forward to bargaining, over to depression.  All to have it start again like a rollercoaster of highs, lows, twists, backwards and forwards throwing our minds and our harts in a gravitational pull that at times seems to have no end in clear sight. And just when you are beginning to settle in to the ride it comes to a complete halt again leaving you with that empty feeling of what to do next. Our grieving process is not linear. We aren’t seamlessly moving from one stage to the other. So on the days that I am in acceptance I find that I can create Blue Life journeys and programs for future travel and build into these journeys ways in which I can help others to recover from their personal traumas. Because one thing is for certain - this Covid-19 crisis has traumatized us in ways that we can’t even begin to understand. We will need to look to nature, look to the sea to navigate us through the trauma and show us how to heal. On other days when I am in denial I can spend hours watching Netflix on whatever mindless comedy I can find and in yet other days of anger I am working out more than Jennifer Lopez did preparing for Super Bowl.  Finally if during one of my bouts of anger I allow for the dreaded question to enter my head  “How did we get here?” - then the anger, turns to rage followed by an extended stay in the depression phase. 

In one of my days of acceptance, my 14 year old son took the below picture of me. In my pajama bottom and normal top (remember trying to keep some control). Albeit that the top has now shrunk from me washing at some obnoxious heat level to convince my mind that there isn’t any virus that has caught on to it from one of my walks. I at least try and convince myself that is the reason why my top shrank because I am not ready to face the possible fact that it hasn’t shrunk and its merely the result of  one of my phases of depression where I would eat a family size ice cream tub without the family. 

Right after he took this picture, my son said with pure content “Wow mom you look so peaceful”.  It was in that moment that I understood that our children are watching us, observing, taking it all in how we process, how we react, how we address difficulties. How are we translating this crisis to our children, to our friends, to our loved ones not in the household unit with us? What are the non-verbal messages that we are communicating. From that picture and our subsequent conversation, I realized that we have to accept our connectedness. It’s not us -vs- the others. It is just that we all may be in different phases of our grieving cycle, of our life’s development. Maybe we haven’t lost a loved one before so the concept of losing someone to an invisible virus is difficult for the other person to understand. Maybe removing the busy “amazing” lifestyle away leaves people too vulnerable to see that they may be filling their life with things to do to compensate for an emptiness. Maybe staying at home reveals deep traumas that people aren’t ready to address. Maybe, just maybe even those who are pushed to the point of carrying a weapon have so much internal fear that they remain in an extended period of time in the anger phase of their grief. 

Through all of this there are some defining realities that we have to face. 

1. We will never be the same again

2. We are all connected for the good and the bad

3. Grief is not linear and it will circle back to us in unexpected times

4. We need to address the trauma of the Covid experience and find ways to heal

5. We have to make expressing compassion, empathy and kindness  to our self a priority

6. We need to always remember to look to nature to help us through, to show us how to heal

7. We need to be cognizant that each of us will experience the Covid crisis differently 

When I am in a state of acceptance and general internal peace - there is a clarity that arises, a voice that answers the question of how can I be of help to people. How can I use my skill set to help others. What do I want this company to stand for? What is Blue Life’s purpose? What is my purpose? In the coming weeks we will continue to share ways in which nature and the sea can help you through your grieving process. Hopefully something will resonate with you and you can find internal peace if only for a few moments. It’s enough time to open a window in your mind to an alternative narrative. Sometimes that’s all you need to embark on a different path, a kinder path on your self.